Text by tdolan
Once upon a time there was a very dull family that lived in a very dull town, a town not even worth mentioning by name. This family was structured like most boring families with one irksome Mother, one pretentious Father, one idiotic Son, and one vain Daughter. They excelled at fulfilling their stereotypes on a daily basis.
Mother had brilliant shining ideas pooling about in her brain, but refused to put her tongue to her teeth and speak them aloud. Father had the most skilled hands in the world with so much dexterity one metaphor could not properly encompass it, but he used them primarily for clacking computer buttons at snail speeds and clasping sweating beer cans. Son and Daughter both had keen eyes and ears and could see great distances and hear pins dropping, but would spend hour and hour pressed against the despicable television screen, not paying any attention to the liquefaction of their brains.
And then one day an odd thing happened. Each unused body part grew fed up, sprouted spider limbs and scuttled away, leaving the dull people husks to sit in complacency for all of time.